Who Loves Her? Read online

  As Susan’s thoughts turned back to the present, she felt a subtle irritation at Bob. All the way home from Ole’s hardware, Bob’s blushing cheeks ran through Susan’s mind. Even in the kitchen cleaning up from last night, she kept recalling little episodes of her life where he was there. Watching the water running to fill the sink, she remembered standing under the waterfall at Leatherman Creek as he swam past her, drops of water glistening seductively in the sunshine on his shoulders. Susan reached up and yanked the water into the off position a little too hard.

  “Why didn’t he just ‘fess up? Susan grew irritated sitting at the red light waiting for it to change. “I mean, Harris is a great guy and all, but what would it have been if Bob could just blurt it out?”

  Susan pondered her fate. Maybe it was because Bob’s dad drank their family into that little rundown apartment and that he had to quit the football team to help his mother. But surely Bob knew that no one blamed him for the way his dad had lived his life. She remembered the time that Bob went on a St. Olaf’s youth campout with everyone one year. Her mom and dad had been so gracious and kind. In truth, they really liked him and told him how happy they were that he had come with us. It’s not like anyone cared about his background. I mean, “jeez, they bent over backward and everyone thought he was a saint the way he took care of his mom after his dad bombed out and split. Well, whatever, fate will make it all work. If he doesn’t have the balls to man up and tell me he loves me, then I guess this is what is supposed to happen.”

  Susan closed the door to her condo with the lag bolt she didn’t need in her hand. With nothing in the ‘fridge, she sighed and thought about going to Luigi’s for some fish and chips. The pile of take-out and lonely carton of expired milk was too much to look at. Susan burst into tears over the Bob thing. Memories flooded back over her from when they were at ATCC and how gentle and kind he was. His shy ways were actually way different than any other man she’d met, and suddenly Harris with all his flash and his dad’s cars sounded kind of like a prick.

  She ordered take-out from the Chinese restaurant off Highway 29. She tipped the pimply faced high school kid and closed the door. The hollow feelings left by Bob’s absence were just too much. She went into the bathroom to change. She finished her day with sweet and sour chicken, and pills to control her occasional vertigo. Neither was especially nourishing, but each would ensure a deep sleep.

  “When all else seems to fail, just smile and love someone.” As Susan read the words of her fortune cookie, she lost it. Tears and sobs came in a river, and she blew her nose into a tissue. For some strange reason, she smiled as she realized she sounded like a foghorn warning some fisherman about the rocks. “I can’t take this anymore,” she thought to herself while falling into the bed. It had only been a few months. Harris was nice, he really was. As her eyes grew heavy and her mind quieted, a soft voice whispered, “Why had her mom set them up on that first date? Why did everything go so fast? Why was Bob so inept in his passion?” And then she slept.

  The next morning came earlier than she had expected. With the alarm she recalled her thoughts from the previous night even before opening her eyes. Susan felt the wistful longing of dreams left unfulfilled. “STOP IT!” She groaned to the empty room as she rolled out of bed. Muttering softly, she stumbled into the bathroom. Her eye make-up was streaked from the night before, and she was faced with a Marilyn Manson look-alike in a blonde wig. “Harris is a great guy. Fate makes it all work out. You’re going to have your picket fence, a boy and girl named Olaf and Greta and…” the vertigo took over for a minute. In defiance, she kept going. “You are going to forget Bob and try your level best to be the picture-perfect devoted wife from now until the end.”

  Showering quickly, Susan knew she would still be late for work. As she stepped from the shower hurried but refreshed, her reflection caught her eye. Her movements slowed as she turned slowly watching her waist flowing to reveal the slowly traveling curve of her hip to her ass. She inspected her body in a slow, thoughtful manner before realizing herself. And with her flippant, characteristic way she exclaimed: “Damn, girl. You look good. A woman like that has to be going places!” Suddenly Harris and her white picket fence looked great again, and she just tried to forget the longing she had felt the night before. Besides, she had to get her story straight for Nina.

  She was relentless. “I went to the hardware store and blah, blah blah. Then Bob mumbled congratulations and asked about sandpaper, blah, blah, blah…no big deal, Nina.”

  She would rehearse it more in the car so she could sound convincing. Convincing of what? Susan thought to herself. She really could not figure out why she felt obligated to tell Nina anything about Bob or Harris. Sometimes it seemed the two of them were actually one person. A vague sense of irritation was growing in Susan’s mind as she wondered about the powers of Nina. Strangely it seemed Nina had a sixth sense to pop up and rescue her from her tendencies for overreaction. It is true they knew every secret about each other, but surely in the ways of adult love, a girl was entitled to a little privacy! Still, Susan knew she would not be able to shake Nina, and she must be prepared for Nina’s fifth inquisition about her run-in with Bob.

  Susan had only gotten away with lying to Nina about how she felt a few times, and this had to be one of them. She needed a Nina Academy Award in a big way if she had any hope of maintaining any sense of privacy regarding Bob. With silly thoughts of imaginary awards and the soft hum of the hair dryer, Susan’s mind began to drift, and as always, her thoughts found Bob. Susan smiled as she remembered the first time Bob had come to the rescue. Just like a six-year-old Superman, he showed up magically to help when she was hurt and in pain. She smiled at the memories. Susan laid her brush down and touched the bristles as she remembered the first time she had met Bob. As many young loves begin, a playground and swing had provided the perfect opportunity.

  When Susan was in kindergarten, she fell from the school swing. She lay crying in the dirt, her wrist screaming with pain and growing black from the broken bone inside. Bob hugged her, and walked with her to the school nurse.

  He had insisted then in his six-year-old authoritarian way that he be the one to make sure she got home. When her mom came to collect Susan, he stood alone and disappointed at the curb; a small, solitary figure standing alone in defeat. She smiled and watched from the backseat until they had turned the corner. In that instant, an image was burned into her soul. He was a pristine image of innocence; golden hair twinkling in the sun framing earnest worry on his small face. Without awareness in that slight moment of time, Bob had become a part of her. Without thought or intent, something in the two children was forged that day in a way that few experience. Everyone thought it was cute. In fact, even back then, folks at St. Olaf’s started to smile at the two little ones innocent in their companionship, and wondered if fate would bring them together as adults. What no one understood was that fate had already made its mark.

  She remembered the time at a middle school church retreat at Lake Carlos that Susan had dropped her hat off the side of the boat. Before anybody could yell at him, Bob was already in the water. As his skinny arms and legs cut the water swimming for all he was worth, she could not help but to stifle a giggle with her hand, as a thrill of excitement lightened her heart with the realization that she was someone special to him. Viking or not, the cold water slows down your muscles when you are trying to swim out there too long, and Bob came mighty close that day to either drowning or getting hypothermia. She remembered well his shivering body and clattering teeth as they sat by the fire. He was wrapped head to toe in a wool blanket and she was wrapped heart to soul in awkward appreciation. The campfire provided the perfect setting, but Susan did not know the perfect response. Her hushed voice provided more warmth for Bob’s body than the campfire did. She said, “Thanks.”

  The sound of Susan’s voice, its sincerity and simplicity, made Bob’s heart swell with pride. “Don’t mention it,” Bob chattered. Feeling clumsy, thinki
ng that she had not thanked him enough, she gave him a small kiss on the cheek. She was in the sixth grade, and it seemed to be what women did on television when a guy did something really stupid to try and be nice. Bob blushed and looked at the ground.

  Chapter Four

  “Susan?”

  “What, Mom? I can’t always answer my phone, you know.”

  “Did you like the casserole?

  Yea…”

  “Well, I guess I’ll….”

  “Mom?”

  “Yes, Susan.”

  “I’m sorry about the crack about Anna. That’s wasn’t cool.”

  “We’re worried about you Susan.”

  “Don’t worry, Mom. I’m working for Uncle Lars, here at the Skylark. What could go wrong?”

  “We need to talk, honey.”

  “Later, Mom. Thanks for the casserole.”

  Damnit, Mom…where was I…she scanned the last few paragraphs and remembered. As she saved her work to be on the safe side, she found her room fading, the clicking of fan replaced by the young woman with wet hair and a secret love.

  ***

  Nina knocked on the door of her room. Susan was startled as she reminded herself that Bob was in the past and that Harris was going to be her perfect future. She looked into her compact to make sure her eyes were not puffy…well, not too puffy. As an afterthought she glanced back for any hint of guilt or shame. With a smirk, she shook her head in disgust and wondered as she opened the door to her nosey friend Nina.

  “You, okay?” Nina inquired as she came bounding into the room. She seemed to scope every corner of the room and each shelf in an instant, as if looking for clues of some great mystery or evil crime. Dissatisfied, she turned and demanded: “Are you okay!”

  “Of course, I am,” Susan stammered, “why wouldn’t I be?” Nina looked across the room, studying them both in the full length mirror. Then she sighed. “All the girls and Anna are working double time to get your wedding together this afternoon. You think you might want to help us? I bet you’re going to tell me your dress is not ready yet?” The clock ticked in the hallway as Susan noticed the dust particles floating in the morning sunlight shimmering through the window. As she wondered at their lazy drifting movements, it occurred to her, it was her wedding day!

  Suddenly, as if a veil of fog had been jerked violently from her mind, Susan remembered the dress. A sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach came quickly as she realized not only had she forgotten her wedding day, but she had failed to track the delivery of her gown. The dress! As her heart quickened, her eyes darted to the bed and back before exclaiming, “My dress is not here! Really? It has not been delivered yet? How could I be so stupid?” She looked at Nina in silence as Nina tilted her head with soft inquiry, the silence filled with unspoken questions from them both before Susan responded in resignation: “How could I let this happen?” Nina smiled and faced Susan: “Don’t worry, we were prepared for this. It is going to be okay,” Nina winked, her tone convincing.

  As the two young women trampled down the hallway, Susan continued to bemoan her stupidity and the lack of a dress. “I’m serious Nina! How did this happen? Mom told me it would be ready last week, but I just never thought to ask! I guess I just thought someone had delivered it, and it was going to be perfect,” Susan said in disbelief.

  “I know, your highness. Queen of the Apple Fest and High Princess of Alexandria!” Nina teased. “We are all going to the dress shop, so would you mind focusing on your wedding for the next three hours and we’ll get this thing whipped into shape!” Nina gave Susan a quick hug as she asked, “so where did you order the rest of the things? Harris and St. Olaf’s are not expecting you until three o’clock. We will figure it out.”

  Like soldiers destined for the battleground, Nina, Adele, Anita, Becky, Alicia and of course, Anna, all piled into various cars to mount a full frontal assault on Jenna’s Bridal. Susan laughed as Nina and Becky fought for the front seat. In her controlled, quiet way, Anna slipped into the back with Nina. The church and reception hall were already booked and her parents were frantically working to get everything decorated. They just needed the dress and a few of the flower arrangements for the dinner after the ceremony.

  Susan was driving, of course. Nina sat in the back with Anita. She bit her lip with worry as she looked at the back of Susan’s neck. Susan had always scratched when she was stressed. Usually, she was able to hide it because her hair would be hooked behind her left ear. Nobody would ever notice, but Nina knew it was there. The little pink tinge behind Susan’s ear worried Nina as it seemed a little bigger than usual. Everyone else was just having a good time teasing the new bride to be. Nina joined in with the festivities. “I heard Harris has three younger brothers,” Nina cat called from the back seat, “and all three are hot!”

  “Oh come on now, so now you want to hone in on my empire? You calling me a gold digger?” Susan teased back.

  “Your wealth Apple-Fest queen? Don’t worry at all, my Queen. I’d share it if little Billy would give it up,” Becky insisted, glancing at Susan beside her. The car erupted in laughter.

  “Billy is still a pimply geek at ATCC,” Nina argued.

  “I’ll wait,” Becky said. The car erupted and giggled again.

  “Am I missing a point here or what?” Susan was debating with herself. Bob had been flashing in and out of her dreams the last few days and she wasn’t sure the last time she’d gotten the refill. Suddenly, she found herself irritated by the playful banter.

  “Well, once she’s married, don’t count yourself so sure that Harris is off the market. You might just get a piece of the action, even if you don’t want a piece of Bill’s Chevrolet. We all know how to get the rock bottom prices down at Bill’s.”

  Becky chimed in, “Yea, his rock. You’re bottom.” The car broke into more fits of laughter.

  “SHUT UP!” Susan slammed on the brakes and everyone looked at Nina as to what to do next.

  “Nobody meant anything, Sue. We’re just out for a drive. Remember the wedding day?”

  “So, am I the only gold digger here, or what? Wait ‘til I tell Mom.”

  “No,” Anna replied. “Don’t you dare do that.”

  “Why?” asked Susan.

  “Because I said so, that’s why,” Anna replied back.

  “Besides, we all know old Bill has no rock anymore and now Harris has Susan’s bottom. If we want a discount we’ll have to drive on down I-94 and just wear a tight sweater,” Becky offered. Nina studied her nails and nibbled on her cuticle a little.

  They all laughed together. The rest of the ride was uneventful and the conversation stayed on par with what all of them used to talk about in the locker room. Everyone laughed and had a good time. Nina would laugh and stare at Susan’s ear, and then look down at her own cuticle and wonder how it would all play out. After all, Susan was supposed to fly away to Sioux Falls after the wedding, where Harris was settled in trying to set up some new accounts for Bill’s Chevrolet. He promised her it wouldn’t be long and they would come back to take Alexandria by a storm. Susan’s friends wouldn’t all have the same kind of chance to laugh and giggle again together for a while.

  The girls squealed happily as the car pulled into Jenna’s where the dress was ordered. The whole car of rowdy women piled out to come to the aid of the bride. Susan stood from the car and laughed at her friends. The sun was shining bright and the sky was so beautiful. Susan noticed one cloud that looked like a beautiful southern belle full-gowned bride, walking regally down the aisle of the sky. Susan rolled her eyes and shook her head.

  “Get ahold of yourself Susan! You are getting kooky from all this silly wedding mess!”

  “Hurry Susan, what are you waiting on?” Anna called.

  “Are you okay, friend?” Nina put her arm around Susan’s waist and smiled, “Maybe a margarita after getting the dress to calm your nerves?” Nina winked happily as they hurried toward the store.

  Susan stopped to drink in the pl
easant atmosphere of the formals and tuxedos lining the wall. She looked around thinking to herself, “all this elegance in one place; the greatest space of potential for greatness that I have ever seen in my young life.” She hoped silently that this would not be the end of great things in her life following marriage to Harris.

  “Hello, I’m Susan. I called earlier yesterday and they said my dress would be ready.

  “I have a claim ticket here.” Susan pulled out the ticket from her purse, but the older clerk just eyed her silently.

  As she reached out for the claim ticket, the younger clerk returned from the back room. As the other girls browsed through the store, oohing and ahhing at all the lovely dresses, the older woman tried to hand the ticket back to Susan.

  “I am afraid we have a problem, ma’am.”

  “I don’t understand ma’am. The dress was supposed to have been ready last week.”

  “Well, we had a mix-up that resulted in some staff turnover. Your order was one that got caught up in the mess. We identified the oversight just this morning, and we have already re-ordered your dress. I am very sorry, but I am afraid the dress is just not available.”